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You’ve almost certainly heard people say this many times: “Well, you know it’s just a numbers game.” They usually mean that the more you play, the greater your chances of winning, but the insinuation is also that the quality isn’t nearly as important as the quantity. But when it’s time to really answer the question, it’s not so cut and dried. Well, I guess it literally is a “game of numbers”, but playing more often doesn’t get you any closer to winning.

Lotteries aside, I do believe that most things in life are a product of the energy you put into them.

With online dating sites numbering in the thousands, however, it’s hard to generalize.

The member pools of some sites are so small that your chances of success are akin to those of my lottery friend.

Others have such a limited means of sharing information about yourself that they are indeed just a matter of clicking on more and more people.

Since it’s hard to judge a person’s qualities on these sites, you’re just hoping someone likes your cold, hard facts enough to communicate with you.

e Harmony has a very large pool of users and pretty substantial ways to express your interests, values and traits.

So, on one hand, it is a numbers game in the sense that it rewards action.

There is a slight chance that if you go to bat in a baseball game 1,000 times, you will hit the ball the same number of times as if you went to bat 10 times, but it isn’t likely.

The same thinking applies to your e Harmony experience. These first three choices severely degrade the quality of the presentation they are making to their matches.

If you log on to the site, communicate with your matches, and go on 100 dates, you are more likely to meet a great person than if you do these things 5 times. They don’t complete the written part of their profile. They create unrealistic self-selects that make it very difficult to find matches for them. Do you want to get to know a person who has no photos and one-word answers to the questions that were designed to help you learn more about them? Is it pretty darn difficult to find matches for someone who insists on a devout Muslim who lives in Montana within 30 miles of his/her home? The fourth reason could be anything from poor manners to trying too hard. It’s about presenting yourself well, and then doing the day-by-day work of communicating and dating.

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